Woodward Park

I spent some time this afternoon cleaning some of the brush from the little creek that runs through Woodward Park.

The park is still filled with debris and downed limbs from the ice storm here in Tulsa in mid-December. And I thought I'd clear up a little in that little creek that Momma took me to when I was oh so young. I'd put a boat made of twigs or leaves, or perhaps a thong, in the little rivulet and nurse it along with shouts of glee until it finally made its way down to the pond.

I don't think there's a single memory I have of very early childhood that is as sweet and poignant as that of this little rivulet and Momma smiling at me playing with little boats and thongs in that little runlet.

Yet I remember ... when, last summer? Or spring? ... when we would go to Woodward Park and she said something ... a couple of times ... that I had no idea about. That Momma's mind was much weighted down, often it seems, when we went to Woodward Park ... because this was the period when he was often out, philandering with other women.

Oh Momma ... oh Momma ... oh God ... that such things should be ... but oh Momma ... that in spite of such things you took such good care of me and my sister ... and brought us joy at Woodward Park ... despite those dark clouds in your heart and mind.

What is there to say ... nothing really ... as in that vignette in Whitaker Chambers, about the woman in post-war Berlin's devastation ... walking down the street with tears streaming down her face ... and no one said anything ... not out of cruelty or indifference but simply because her tears were tears of a univeral tragedy that engulfed everyone ... what was there to say ... ?

Except perhaps

Oh Lord Jesus Christ have mercy have mercy have mercy on us all

I love you and miss you so so so so so so much Momma ... oh God how do people make it through this ... why the hell should I want to make it through this ... oh Momma how I wish you were here ... oh God how I miss my Momma so so so so much ... oh God ...

I wiped and cleaned your grave marker this morning, Momma ... and the dog and I went for a walk in Woodward Park. She chased the squirrels ... and oh I could see you sitting with a smile on your face watching Spooky chase the squirrels ... oh Momma nothing is right wtihout you here ... oh God oh Momma oh Mommma everything's wrong without you here ... oh I miss you so much Momma I miss you so .... oh God ...

Oh Lord Jesus please please please please of Your Mercy take good care of my good good Momma ...

Oh Momma oh Mary oh Joseph oh Jesus

Charles Delacroix
Eve of the 1st Sunday in Lent

Lent of Tears

I have been running and overworking and overdoing today ... but oh how many tears even so just thinking about you dear dear dear dear Momma ....

Lent without you doesn't feel like Lent Momma. Yet I know that in this wonderful Season there is a special opportunity to share in the Tears of Sorrow and Compunction of Our Lord.

Your Tears Lord Jesus

Tears of Your Way of the Cross

Tears of Your Sorrow over Jerusalem

Tears of Your Sorrow for Momma

Tears of Your Sorrow for all Mommas

Tears of Your Sorrow for each and every one of us

Oh Lord Tears of Sorrow for a world drowning it seems at times in Tears

Tears

Tears

Tears and Weeping

Oh Lord Jesus How Follow You

How Follow You on Your Way of the Cross

Without many Tears

Many many Tears and Weeping

Oh Lord how I miss my Momma

Oh Lord thank you for Your Precious Tears for my Momma

I love you Momma

I love you Lord Jesus

Please please please

Please please please please please Lord Jesus please take good care of my good Momma

I love you Momma

I love you Lord Jesus

I love you

Charles Delacroix
Feast of St Jerome Emiliani

Ash Wednesday

Remember man that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.

Oh Momma how I miss you ... dust or no dust ... oh how I miss you ....

As Time Goes By

This is just plain one of my all time favorite TV shows ... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105943/ ... and Momma's too ...

I've been watching this ... off and on ... tonite ... and on the one hand really enjoying this ... but also missing Momma so so so much ...

Every time Lionel squirms and tries to evade getting caught in the middle with his dry, dry humor ... O I can hear your laugh, Momma ... and I laugh too ... and then I cry ...

Every time I hear Alistair ostentatiously flirting with his disarming but overwhelming self-confidence ... I laugh ... and I can just hear you laughing too Momma ...

Every time I watch Judi Dench's Jean carrying on about something, anything, I just want to laugh and cry and want to look at Momma smiling and nodding ... but you aren't there ...

Sandy is just lovely ... cute and smart and genuine ... and I smile and would so like to look at you Momma smiling at her as well ...

Judith is so charming and genuine and almost matches Lionel in her own dry, but far lighter, humor ... and now Alistair in this episode has just asked Judith to marry him ... and she's thrown herself into his arms ... and O Momma you and I would love this scene so much ...

Oh Momma I just love this show ... and if you were here ... if you were here Momma ... I'd be saying, "Oh these are such nice people ... all of them ..." and you'd be saying "Yes ... yes they are" and I'd be saying "These are the kind of people I'd just love to know next door" and you'd be saying "Yes yes ..." and you'd be laughing and smiling and I would too ...

It's just not the same Momma .. not the same ... watching this wonderful show without you here ...

Oh Momma ... oh Momma ...

As Time Goes By ...

I love you and I miss you ...

Oh Lord Jesus ...

Oh Mary Mother of God ...

I love you and I miss you so ....

Oh

Charles Delacroix
Sunday 4 in OT

Movies and TV without Momma here ...

I've been realizing how different movies & TV are for me now with Momma gone ...

I've always been a TV fan, and, over the past 10-15 years, an even bigger movie fan. But with Momma gone some of my favorite movies ... especially oldies ... I really can't bring myself to watch as in the past. Casablanca I have seen so many times ... but Momma isn't here to watch jme with it.

On the other hand I'll admit I've been watching South Park & Family Guy ... shows I never watched with Momma here. She would not (I feel sure) have liked such TV fare.

But oh Momma ... I can't even (ordinarily) bring myself to watch As Time Goes By ... we used to love to watch this together every Sunday night, but here it is Sunday, and I don't have it on ... maybe I'll try it out though ...

Oh Momma oh Jesus ...

Love,

Charles Delacroix
Sunday 4 in Ordinary Time

Red River

So now OETA is showing Red River ... the B&W version, not the colorized version, too ... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0040724/ ...

Oh Momma how I wish we could watch this together ... you would love it ... we've seen this together before, I think ... always so special in a way because its partly set in Oklahoma (the Red River is just an hour or so south of here) and Missouri ...

Oh Momma ... you'd say something, wouldn't you, about Montgomery Clift in this movie. I'd be saying something of course about John Wayne. We'd both say something about Walter Brennan. Mom you'd say something about Harry Carey, too. What a wonderful movie.

Oh hey John Ireland is in this movie, too. He's always cool, way way cool.

Oh Momma how I wish you were here ... maybe ... maybe you are ...

But oh how I miss you Momma ... so so so so so so much ...

I love you Momma

I love you Lord Jesus

I love you Mary

Oh Mother Mary, Our Lady of the Presentation, Pray for us
Oh Lord Jesus,

Oh Oh Oh ... there's an intermission ... and BJ Wexler in a tux ... Mom you and I would sure be talking about that, wouldn't we? It seems that the OETA Movie Club is celebrating its 20th Anniversary ... started in 1988. Oh Momma oh Momma oh Momma ... I wish you were here to watch these celebrity photos in the 20th Anniversary retrospective ... you and I got such a kick out of those photos, didn't we?

Oh Momma ... I miss you I miss you so so so so so so much ...

I love you Momma

I love you Mary

I love you Jesus

Please please please please O Lord of the Presentation ... take good care of my Momma please

I love you all

Charles Delacroix
Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord

It's still sll wrong ... all wrong ...

Oh God ... it's Saturday night ... and I watched Cheers ... looking every now and then at Momma's empty chair ... and now MASH has come on ... and I can't seem to stop crying ... it's all wrong .. all wrong ... I do still like Cheers and MASH ... but oh how it hurts ... it feels so wrong to sit here watching this ... and Momma you're not here as you should be to watch it too ... I know I think you probably have much, much, much better now ... O Lord Jesus I do, really, well, kinda ... I am glad Momma is with you ... OK ... it's good, it's right ... but it's still so fuckin wrong, so so so so wrong ... Oh Momma how I miss you ... I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you ... here's Klinger on and Hot Lips and Hawkeye and BJ ... and you're not here to talk about how this must be an early show, Klinger's not in women's clothes ... you'd laugh and I'd laugh ... we'd laugh together ... and I'd look at you smiling at the TV ... smiling at the characters we both loved so much ... so much ... and you're not here ... and why the hell should I be here and why the hell should MASH be funny ... it is still ... it is ... darkly humorous, wonderfully human, and you, and I, liked both about MASH ... but now it's not funny and the characters seem so far far far away ... or rather I'm so far far far away ... oh God ... it hurts so much ... so much ...

Oh St Sophronius ... http://www.universalis.com/20080202/readings.htm ... yes let us hasten with candles lit on this Feast of Candlemas to meet Our Lord Jesus Christ ... oh Momma perhaps you are even now waiting for me with Our Lord ... oh oh oh but how everything feels so wrong so wrong when the only light that seemed to really be there for me in this world is gone and awaiting with the only Light in all eternity ... and now I am sitting here in the darkness of this world ... in this tomb of time ... this Holy Saturday ... here ... here and now ... in the Dead Heart of Jesus ... yes yes yes Lord Jesus ... yes ... if Momma is not here ... where else is there for me but in Your Tomb in Your Dead Heart ... oh Jesus you are my only hope ... oh Holy Mary Mother of God, Our Lady of the Presentation, pray for me ... and for my Momma ... oh Jesus please please please please please ... take good care of my good Momma ...

Charles Delacroix
Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord