Horrible, Horrible Catastophe

How else really to describe it ...

The pain is extraordinary, horrible ... and yet ... and yet ... it would be worse not to be in pain ...

Worse not to see catastrophe for what it is

Worse not to see horror for what it is

Momma I woke up this morning remembering so, so, so vividly what it was like to hug you and give you Coos. And I cried and cried and cried. Oh to be able to hug you and give you a Coo and bring you your tea.

I guess this email last night is what did it. A friend had announced in an online discussion group that his mother had died. Such a moving announcement. I had responded with condolences and recalled your own passing last August. He in turn responded and expressed hope that my own dear mother had greeted his own dear mother as she arrived in Heaven, and that there were hugs and welcome and laughter and joy in that greeting.

Oh Momma Oh Momma Oh Momma may it be so ... oh oh oh oh oh how I miss your hugs ...

From day one though thinking of you in Heaven has just been so so so so so hard ...

I know by God's Grace you must ... oh you must ... surely be there ... or on your way there ... at all events in a far far better place than here ...

I know ... but but but it just doesn't connect for me ... I don't know why ...

What connects for me is your absence here not your presence there ...

Oh oh oh oh I am truly ... truly happy for you ... that you are there ...

Oh oh oh oh but I'm lying, Momma, I'm lying ... I wish you were here ... oh in my head I am "intentionally" tho not by God emotionally glad you are there ...

But i miss you here

I miss you here

I miss you here so so so so so much

Oh God

Oh God

Oh Momma

Oh God of Your Divine Wondrous and Loving Courtesy please

please please please please please

take good care of my good Momma

Oh Lord Jesus have mercy on me

Oh Holy Mary Mother of God, Mother of Mothers, intercede for my dear Momma

And pray for me O Holy Mother of God

Now and at the hour of my death

Amen

I love you Momma

I love you Mary

I love you Joseph

I love you Jesus

I love you

Charles Delacroix
3rd Sunday of Lent