WTF, WTF, WTF

WTF ... strong strong strong sene of Futility tonite.

But I did feel better after going to see you Momma. Oh but how I cried and cried and just kept muttering again and again and again ...

"I don't understand."

Because of course I don't understand.

I don't.

You aren't here.

And I don't understand.

But the goal of course isn't to understand.

It's to respond to the catastrophe with as much honor and integrity and authenticity as I can feebly by God's grace muster.

Oh God though it's so so so so so so so lonely without Momma here.

Loneliness ... Futility ... what do these have to do with Authenticity though.

OK

Ok

I heard an owl hooting at the gravesite Momma ... and O how you and I would have talked about that owl ...

That ... that owl's hooting ... and that knowledge that *if* you were here we would be honoring that owl in our thoughts and speech ... that is what I am choosing to call Authenticity

Just for today.

Oh Momma

Oh Momma

I hurt and I hurt and I hurt

That too is Authenticity.

It is the Cross.

The Cross of Christ

The Cross of little Charles Delacroix

It is Authenticity

Not a bird falls without You knowing and caring Lord

So even this owl tonite ... You know and You care O Lord

O God but how do people get through this how how how how ...

What does that matter

They do clearly they do

Oh Momma I miss you so so so so so so so so so so much

Oh Lord Jesus I beg you please please please take good care of my good Momma

Momma I miss you

Charles Delacroix
Sunday 19 in OT
Feast of St Lawrence

PS I'm going to take the dog for a walk now Momma ... oh how we both wish you were here with us ...