Why This Blog

Basically, the purpose of this blog is to give me a chance to get some things off my chest and process them and even share them with someone ... even if someone is in effect anyone.

I live with, and am the primary caregiver for, my aged mother. I don't get out much at all these days; and my outside forays are pretty much governed by circumstance, happen "on the fly", and tend to involve things like getting groceries and gasoline and medicine and adult diapers and wipes and the million and one things that caregivers in general have to do in order to give care. So I don't get to talk to many people, and don't get much face-to-face "support". However, I do have (thank God!) a computer. I am at this moment sitting in my mother's bedroom, where she is asleep, and where I am staying as well due to her very uncertain health. Sometimes, I feel like I just plain want to run out of the house, and scream and yell at God and man and anyone in my neighborhood who will listen even for a moment. So this blog is my chance to yell and yell and yell.

Also, I really need someplace I can sort things out and try to piece things together and understand what is going on in my little neck of the woods. Maybe this can help in that regard as well.

A lot of what I'm going through, and therefore a lot of what I'm guessing will be in this blog, will be me going through Grief. When I think about this I can't help but think about C.S. Lewis, who has long been one of my heroes and mentors through his many writings. He wrote "A Grief Observed" and writing it apparently did him good. I'm a zillion miles from Lewis in so many ways, but maybe this very small, very distant mirror of his great work will do me good as well.

By God's Grace, that is. I will admit that I'm one who for all kinds of reasons, especially when in pain, tends to be (to say the least) very self-centered. Conversely, when I can recognize God's Presence, and when I can therefore find some reason to believe that there is some kind of meaning to my own experience, as to everyone else's; and when I can therefore find some reason to be Grateful; then I can move out of my own misery and self-focus and into something like the broad Noon of Calvary, when the Sun of Heaven shone on Christ on the Cross and Revealed Something beyond the extreme pain of the Crucifixion.

I hereby acknowledge therefore that my own little way of the Cross is nothing either more or less or other than an Icon or Ikon of Our Lord's Great Way of the Cross. This blog is my way of trying to find my way on the Way. By God's Grace, One Day at a Time.