St Clare and Envy and Gratitude and Whackness

I saw the Dark Knight again last night ... instead of The Whackness. I really like both movies very much.

And on this Feast of St Clare all this reminds me that really Envy should have no place in my thoughts or feelings or life.

Let's face it. Life is f'd up. And we're all in for it. No one's exempt. There is Hope: Christ. Christ alone. Apart from Him though: it's all plain old f'd up and hopeless.

Momma I went for a little walk between prayers this morning ... and just North of your grave there's another grave that struck me. A double grave. Husband and wife. The wife died and was buried only a year ago. The husband apparently is still living. Here's the kicker: the wife's birth year was 1956; the husband's 1957.

So he's only a little younger than me. A little younger than my sister. He had a wife. And she's gone. And now he is ... if not alone ... bereft of his life's mate.

Would it have been better if my path was more like his? Better in what sense? To have a wife? And a family? And ot lose them? As I lost you Momma?

I don't know

I don't understand

But I just don't know

If my life had been more like that of St Francis of Assisi?

Or Like St Clare?

Would it have been better.

Probably so in their case ... they were saints ...

But better in the sense of less pain? Less sense of deracination? Of loneliness? Of attacks of the sense of futilitates?

I don't know

I just don't know

O Lord

O Momma

How I miss you

But O Lord

Thy Will Not Mine Be Done

Fiat Voluntas Tua

Oh shit

Thy Will Be Done

Love,

Charles Delacroix
Feast of St Clare