Stranger in a Strange Land ... and De Futilitates

Such a strange, strange evening ...

I kept looking for you Spooky as I mowed and you weren't there

I kept thinking I've got to be careful not to have both garage doors open ... and risk letting you out ... but did it really matter ...

I mowed and mowed and mowed ... and I kept thinking what's the point ...

What's it matter

What's it matter

I've got to read some more of St Gregory on Job no doubt O Lord

But oh God

Oh Momma

Oh Momma

Oh Spooky

Oh Lord

Oh St John the Baptizer

Your Beheading

Your Martyrdom

Ikon of Our Lord's Crucifixion

My tears for this dog ... what the f*ck does this matter ... O God ... this dog that never did anything to anyone ... Oh God why the hell did she die ... oh God ... John the Baptizer's horrible Beheading had meaning ... Our Lord's Crucifixion had meaning ... me ... what I've done ... I deserve anything, anything at all that happens to down me ... but what the hell did this dog ever do to merit her suffering over the last oh 4 or 5 or 6 months ... she thrashed every now and then in the car as I drove idiotically looking for a vet hospital in the middle of the night ... and I stroked her and begged her and she lay down with her head in my lap ... those dark eyes looking up at me ... whimpering as I cried and drove and drove and cried and stroked her rich, golden, brown fur .... and stroked her forehead as she whimpered looking up at me ... to die ... die ... and now she's gone and nothing but nothing is right ... Momma is gone and nothing but nothing is right ... oh God ... why ... and what is the point of my doing anything at all now ... or ever ...

Oh ... OK ... OK ... I know at some level and at some point and in some way Your Will and Your Providence must be Good and Good and Good ... oh oh oh oh oh though ... I know too that you let Father Job carry on like this far more than me and please lllwo me by Thy Grace the same ..

Oh Lord even now nothing matters but You and You only oh Lord

Only You

Only You

Only You

But Oh God all I feel like doing right now is beating the crap out of everything even You

But Oh God

Oh God

Oh God

I feel like a child in Your Arms flailing away at You and the harder I flail the more You hold me close to You

And tell me that You Love Me anyway

And tell me to hollar and cry and carry on all I want

And remind me that Job did

And Jesus did on the Cross

And oh God

Oh God

Oh Lord

Oh Lord

But ... but Spooky ... but Momma ... !

Oh Lord

Lord Have Mercy
Christ Have Mercy
Lord Have Mercy

Thy Will Not Mine Be Done

Shit

But Yes

Thy Will Not Mine Be Done

Charles Delacroix
Beheading of St John the Baptizer