Feeling ... oh God ... so so so ... lonely ...

I visited the Will Rogers Memorial today while I was up in Claremore at the hospital ... and looked at those places I saw Dad & Mom in the pictures from the 50s ... or was it late 40s ...

And then saw where Momma and I were only last year ...

Oh God how I miss you Momma ...

I just feel so horribly horribly horribly alone ... and lonely and ... oh God ...

I saw Smart People (2008) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0858479/ this evening too. A 2nd time.

And liked it ... very much ... at one level ...

At another ... oh God ... how rootless it felt ... and that old feeling of deracination overwhelmed me again ...

partly I know it's because in the movie there's the constant presence of the deceased mother ...

oh God how it all hurts

Everything hurts so much

horrible

horrible

it all hurts

so much

Oh God

Help me God

Hellp me

Oh God it hurts so much

so much

Oh Father Job ... please pray for me

Oh Father Job

Oh Father Soloman ... Qoheleth ... Eccl ... pray for me

Oh St Dismas ...

Oh St all

Oh God it hurts

hurts hurts hurts

Oh be with me in this hour of darkness

Oh St John of the Cross pray for me

Oh Lord Jesus God of the Way of the Cross

have mercy on me

Oh Holy Mary

Mother of God

Pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death

Oh it hurts so much

so much

so much

The TV is on and the lady in the ad smiles and smiles happily and prettily ...

why not

why not

But oh God to sit here alone and hurting

Yet

Yet You are here aren't you oh Lord Jesus

Oh Hope of the Hopeless

Help of the Helpless

You Who come to all of us who sit in darkness and pain and loneliness

How we need you

You O Lord

You in this Tomb of Holy Saturday

Here in this Place of the Dead

in this living death that is life

oh God

oh God how i miss my Momma

How lonely I feel

How lonely

How alone

Oh You Who are above all with those of us Who sit in our Loneliness

You Who Alone on the Cross cried out to Your God the Father

You in Your Loneliness

Be with me now i beseech you

Oh how it hurts

Tuesday in the 5th Week in Eastertide
Eve of the Feast of St George, Martyr