Everything still feels very, very, very strange ...
The universe seems wrong, out of kilter, without reason. Absurd. Meaningless. Pointless.
Actually it's nothing of the kind ... but that's how it feels. With Mom not here. In a way her not being here is exactly an Ikon of the rend in the face of the universe that is our Fallenness in this world. She's not here ... and therefore the Cross, the Sign of Contradiction. She's not here ... and nothing matters or makes sense ... apart from the Cross. Only the Cross connects anything at all. Especially now. But now is itself an Ikon for all times, and all places.
I've got a job pending ... report-to-work date is January 2. I received the news on Monday while I was at Mom's Grave ... which was nice, I could tell her immediately. But of course it's not the same without her here in a very different sense ...
I bought some eggnog today. But why? She's not here to enjoy it with me.
The Christmas tree has been up for almost 2 weeks. But I still haven't been able to bring myself to put any ornaments or lights on it.
I do think her vase arrangement looks really nice ... some little ornamental placements that look like little, miniature wrapped Christmas presents ... and little, miniature candy drops and sugar canes ... and a large, lovely poinsettia. I think she would like it. I pray so.
Oh Lord Jesus please please please take good care of my Momma
I love you Momma
I love you Lord Jesus
Charles Delacroix
Wednesday of Week 3 in Advent
I found
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