The Prettiest Christmas Tree We've Ever Had

Every Christmas, I would buy a Christmas tree and set it up in our living room and trim it, with Mom sitting and watching and smiling ... and we'd talk and carry on ... and at some point, one of us would say, "Oh I think this is the prettiest Christmas Tree we've ever had."

Every Christmas ... *every* Christmas ... our Christmas Tree was always pronounced by both of us to be the "prettiest Christmas Tree we've ever had." We'd laugh and carry on, but our evaluation of what was our prettiest Christmas Tree never wavered. We may have said it a little tongue in cheek but we meant it, too.

Well ... since you are gone, Momma, I've committed myself to celebrate this Christmas as an As If" Christmas. Christmas as if you were here. Oh Momma ... oh Momma ... it just isn't the same ... not at all ... not by a long long long shot. But Oh. It's better to celebrate a Christmas As If you were here than a Christmas As If you were not here. Oh Momma how I miss you.

Well, Momma, our Christmas Tree is now up and decorated.

And ... and ... and I don't know how I can say this ...

But I don't know how I can not say this ...

Oh Momma ... I think .. I think this is the prettiest Christmas Tree we've ever had ...

Oh but why oh why oh why are you not here ... to look at it ... to smile ... to say that this is the prettiest Christmas Tree we've ever had ...

Oh Momma ... how I miss you Momma how I miss you so ........................

Well, Momma, our lovely Christmas Tree is decorated and really does look so, so pretty ...

It took me awhile ... I intended to decorated it few weeks ago when I got the tree. The tree's been up and sitting there ... but I just haven't been able to bring myself to decorate it. It's just so so so painful ... so painful ... but oh it's more painful not to do this. So I did it. And Momma ... all our ornaments are on it ... you weren't here for me to ask, "Should I put a bulb here?" And you weren't here for me to say, "Where should I put this little Alvin the chipmunk on the tree?" You weren't here to tell me. But Oh Momma ....

That little red Star that's all but falling apart, it's up at the very top. You aren't here, though, for us to talk about it ... and how we've had it for a long, long time, as you would say ...

That little red bird is in the top of the tree too. You loved that little red bird. He's so cute, isn't he, and just goes there ... at the top. We always agreed. Why aren't you here to tell me it's in the right place, though.

Those ornaments that we always talked about ... every one wiht a memory it seemed ... they're on there Momma ... but oh you aren't here to talk about them and when you got them and where and how and why ...

Those silver tinsel ropes ... especially those two that you and Dad had way, way back ... the ones almost denuded of tinsel anymore ... the ones we always put up anyway ... they're there, Momma ... they're there ... but you aren't ...

Those little ornaments that go at the bottom of the tree are there. They go there because, as you said every Christmas, "they're there so the kids will get them instead of getting into the presents or messing with the Christmas Tree." That little monkey almost falling apart by now ... that you've put down there since I was what, 2 or 3 or 4 ... it's there, Momma ...

I had the Christmas Music on all while I was putting our ornaments on the tree ... just like we always did ... but you weren't here to talk about Bing Crosby and White Christmas ...

The Tree is just a few feet from your chair, Momma, just like always ... so you can see it and enjoy it ... and your chair is empty ... it has that little cushion in it you loved ... but you aren't there ... oh I just don't understand ...

Momma it's after dark, now, and I'm sitting here looking at the beautiful, beautiful Christmas Tree .. it's lit up with those bigger lights in all colors and with those little bitty sparkle lights in all colors ... oh it's beautiful Momma so beautiful ...

Oh Momma I think this must be the prettiest Christmas Tree we've ever had ...

But oh Momma how I miss you how I miss you ...

Oh Jesus ... please please please please ... take good, good, good care of my Momma.

I love you Momma so much.

I love you Jesus so much.

Oh Momma ... oh Momma ...

Charles Lee

Charles Delacroix
Eve of the Feast of St Peter Canisius