Missing Your Acceptance

Momma I realized this suddenly yesterday ... or at least re-realized it ... I think I've said this before ...

Honestly you were in many ways the only person who could accept me as completely as you did to say the least. I mean ... I was at Philbrook. A very kind man said something ... he worked there ... and I was suddenly filled with social anxiety. And fumbled my words and he was very kind but oh it was painful ... and I came away fearing how that looked and felt. If that sounds like Avoidant Personality Disorder in action well ... probably.

But oh Momma ... I think about all those mothers who throughout their lives take care of "special children" ... the only ones who really accept them in a way ...

I guess in a way that's what happened to me, too.

Social anxiety has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

And although to be sure there are things you and I could not talk about ...

Still this ... this fear of the other person ... was not for me an issue with you, at least not in the past decade or so.

I can still hear you saying, "One thing .... I will always be your mother, and you will always be my son."

By this you meant so many things. I am crying just thinking about it. But for me it meant exactly that. Nothing can or will ever alter that enormous gift.

Oh Momma how I miss you ...

Oh Lord Jesus Christ take good care of my good Momma ...

Oh St Peter and St Paul on this Feast of you and your apostolates, on this 13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, pray for my dear mother, and for me.

I love you Momma

I love you Jesus

I love you

Charles Delacroix