I can't believe it's been so long since I checked in.
Oh God.
I visited Hornersville last weekend ... and managed to collect a good case of poison ivy ... all over the part of the cemetery I was cleaning up ... whew it's been ruff but much better now ...
Today has been rough ... but it really did help to visit the dietician today ... and talk about sort of basic self-care things. I'm diabetic and really haven't been eating right ... the doc said I'm anemic and "malnourished" ... so Momma, I'm trying to work on things. I bought some meat and have been eating more eggs and intend to seek to eat a bit better.
The biggest challenge is still ... De Futilitates ...
WTF ...
The answer of course is the Cross ... the answer to all things is the Cross ... but Momma life really does seem pointless with you not here ...
But then I was reading a couple of articles ... about GK Chesterton and Willam F Buckley, Jr ... and felt strangely better. The article said that this year is the 100th anniversary of Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday. Just knowing that there are those who have gone before and found some reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other ... helps so much.
I saw something about John Adams ... and remember how much simply reading his work when I was on the point of suicide in Miami in 1980 ... really got me past and helped me find a reason to keep going simply in recognizing that others, who I can't help but honor and respect deeply, have found reasons to keep going.
My goal is still to respond to the catastrophic passing of my Mom with as much honor and decency and integrity and authenticity as I can. I guess that's a species of the same answer to the challenge posed by De Futilitates.
So ... if the question demanded by De Futilitates is Why ...
The answer is ... not known to me ... but by Grace I believe the answer to have been carried among us by others: by Mom and John Adams and Chesterton and Buckley ... and ultimately by Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Why? Why not? is really another way of answering the same question.
But for now this seems to speak most to my heart:
Why? Adams, Chesterton, Buckley, Mom, Christ ...
Well ... works for me ...
Just for today ...
Oh Momma how I miss you ...
Oh Momma ...,
Holy Mary Most Pure Mother of God pray for us
Lord Jesus Christ Crucified have mercy on us
Charles Delacroix
Feast of St James
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