Embracing the Cross

I am feeling much better now. Thank you Lord.

I went by Walmart tonite and kept seeing people walking together. Usually that plain old pushes buttons and I don't even know why. Tonite I knew ... I'm feeling the loss not only of Momma but of everything ... the loneliness beyond loneliness. And so what. The "alone into the Alone" is part of the Cross too.

That's really always been the biggest difference for me O Lord in the Here and Now ... between utterly crushing misery and utterly crushing misery with meaning. The meaning being the Cross. Your Cross O Lord.

Nothing else matters. Only Your Cross. Only Your Cross O Lord.

Rather everything matters. Everything. Because everything is Your Cross O Lord.

Help me O Lord to remember ... to breathe in the Pain, to breathe out the Pain

To breathe in the Cross, to breathe out the Cross.

What else is there really.

Nothing. Nothing but the Cross.

O Momma when I visited you tonite ... that seering, horrible feeling of loss was there ... but ... but somehow it made ... not sense, nothing makes sense ... but it was connected to the Cross ... and therefore not bearable ... nothing is bearable ... but the unbearableness is bearable, the insanity and the absurdity and the nonsense is all in the Cross and upheld in the Cross and transmuted by the Cross and colored all through by the Precious Blood flowing from the Cross.

All is Horror but all is therefore the Cross.

Therefore all is in the Cross.

Nothing else matters. Everything matters. In the Cross Alone.

Oh God

Oh Momma

Oh Jesus ... Your Cross ... You and Your Cross Alone.

The Church is in the Cross too. Even the alone into the Alone is the Church ... in the Cross ...

Oh God

Oh Momma

I love you Momma

I love you O Cross

I love you O Christ Jesus

I love you O Mary Most Holy

I love you O Body of Christ in the Church

I love you St Camillus

I love you O Job

I love you and thank you so much for my dear Momma

I love you and thank you for the Cross

Only the Cross of Christ

Totus tuus

Charles Delacroix