Of Momma and Ducks and Spooky and the Cross and the Cross and the Cross

Quick note on the rum ... I'm blogging from work before a 9 AM group.

Momma thank you so much for having me this morning ... thank you for waking me at 5:45 ... the time you died ... or the time I at least found you departed sitting beside your bed ... right where I sleep now every night ... so I rushed to you ... and in time ... it was an absolutely gorgeous sunrise ... with the dewiest grass ... I cried and cried ... I miss you so ... it hurts so much ... but just remembering that it's supposed to be this way, it's the Cross, really helps. Not that things aren't f'd up, they are, Job knew it, Jesus knew it, I know it, we all know it. But it's the Cross. So it's somehow OK. The Cross is OK. The rest is ... well OK only in the light of the Cross. In the light of this morning's sunrise. In Your Light O Lord.

I couldn't believe it when I was sitting there and just as the very sparkly direct ray of the sunrise came across your grave ... it was about 6:30 ... and there to the south, just about 15 or 20 feet away, waddled a bunch of ducklings ... then their mother ... I counted 7 ducklings ... and Momma their Momma was almost herding them along ... it was beautiful and I cried and I know you would have loved it so much. But Oh that you aren't here with me to talk and laugh about such a lovely, lovely sight.

Spooky still not feeling well at all ... I took her to the vet this AM ... they may run tests ... oh God I can hardly stand it ... but then it's the Cross too ... I'll be back to get her tonite & gave them my cell in the meantime. This was all rightly done though Momma I know ... I promised you I would take good care of her ... and I'm trying, I'm trying ...

But the Cross really means Letting Go not in the sense of things not being f'd up and ignoring that but in the sense of acknowledging frankly if with all the anger of Job and the anger of You on the Cross O Lord that I have *no* Control over ... well over anything. All I can do is embrace my Cross just for today and follow You. What else is there to do. This is it. And it's all I'm called to do. ANd it's enough.

I'm going to do group now ... Oh Momma ...

Oh Lord ...

I do feel better please help me to remember priorities:

1. Cross of Christ
2. Cross of Christ
3. Cross of Christ

In that order.

Charles Delacroix
Feast of St Camillus
Bastille Day