Aching Aching Aching ... it just plain hurts ...

Oh Momma ...

Such a quiet quiet morning ... no breeze ... a bit cold, not freezing ... overcast, but not raining ...

Quiet at the cemetery ... so so so so quiet ...

I was aching the whole time ...

And then at the store I walked past that display of the little blueberry cinnamon muffins we always got ... you loved those so ... I haven't been able to get them since ... and still haven't ... but oh I could feel my sides actually aching, aching, aching as I walked past ... why aren't you here o Momma ... we would have loved these little muffins wouldn't we o Momma ... oh God how my whole body just aches and aches and aches ...

I did buy some bananas though ... it was hard ... I guess this is the first time Momma since you died ... oh Momma ... how horrible everything is without you here ...

I need to remember that this is 6 months ... 2 days ago was the 6 month Anniversary of your death on August 22 ... 3 days hence will be the 6 month Anniversary of your burial on August 27 ... and now ... now ... now, Here and Now ... is this horrible horrible time between Alpha and Omega ... not between Good Friday and Easter, but between Good Friday and Holy Saturday ... this life of Holy Saturday is in so many ways horrible but comprehensible ... a Dead God lying on a cold slab in a Tom is horrible but at least in a way comprehensible under the paschal light of the Holy Week that is Time ... but really this feels more like that cold, dark night of Good Friday ... a cold form crumbled and alone on a Cross before Nicodemus and the men and women have arrived, before the Tomb has been opened for You O Lord ...

O O O how it hurts ... it hurts ...

It hurts O Lord it hurts Momma it hurts

Oh God ... oh God ... oh in You is ALL my Hope, my Only Hope ...

Oh Jesus My Sole Hope have mercy on me and be with me O help me in my hour of need ...

I love you Momma

I love you Jesus

I love you