Oh God ... it's Saturday night ... and I watched Cheers ... looking every now and then at Momma's empty chair ... and now MASH has come on ... and I can't seem to stop crying ... it's all wrong .. all wrong ... I do still like Cheers and MASH ... but oh how it hurts ... it feels so wrong to sit here watching this ... and Momma you're not here as you should be to watch it too ... I know I think you probably have much, much, much better now ... O Lord Jesus I do, really, well, kinda ... I am glad Momma is with you ... OK ... it's good, it's right ... but it's still so fuckin wrong, so so so so wrong ... Oh Momma how I miss you ... I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you ... here's Klinger on and Hot Lips and Hawkeye and BJ ... and you're not here to talk about how this must be an early show, Klinger's not in women's clothes ... you'd laugh and I'd laugh ... we'd laugh together ... and I'd look at you smiling at the TV ... smiling at the characters we both loved so much ... so much ... and you're not here ... and why the hell should I be here and why the hell should MASH be funny ... it is still ... it is ... darkly humorous, wonderfully human, and you, and I, liked both about MASH ... but now it's not funny and the characters seem so far far far away ... or rather I'm so far far far away ... oh God ... it hurts so much ... so much ...
Oh St Sophronius ... http://www.universalis.com/20080202/readings.htm ... yes let us hasten with candles lit on this Feast of Candlemas to meet Our Lord Jesus Christ ... oh Momma perhaps you are even now waiting for me with Our Lord ... oh oh oh but how everything feels so wrong so wrong when the only light that seemed to really be there for me in this world is gone and awaiting with the only Light in all eternity ... and now I am sitting here in the darkness of this world ... in this tomb of time ... this Holy Saturday ... here ... here and now ... in the Dead Heart of Jesus ... yes yes yes Lord Jesus ... yes ... if Momma is not here ... where else is there for me but in Your Tomb in Your Dead Heart ... oh Jesus you are my only hope ... oh Holy Mary Mother of God, Our Lady of the Presentation, pray for me ... and for my Momma ... oh Jesus please please please please please ... take good care of my good Momma ...
Charles Delacroix
Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord
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