Fear and Courage

My mother suffered greatly from Fear: fear of being left alone, fear of inability to move, fear of the future.

Mom's fears increased as time went on and her ability to control herself and her environment declined. Especially in the past year, I think, when her physical and mental deterioration - both of which she was acutely aware of - had progressed so rapidly.

I'm sure not getting any younger myself and can't help wondering about my own future. All of course is in God's hands, though, which is where the wonderful "Lead Kindly Light" speaks to me very strongly.

But you know, when I think about my mother I'm more and more impressed by her Courage. Her limits were growing, her options shrinking, her abilities falling, and she knew all this ... yet she kept on, and continued doing what she could within her limits, very much up till the end. Within weeks of her death, she was asking to help with laundary. Her strength and dexterity by then precluded doing much. But she said she thought she could help fold the clean washclothes and hand towels. And she did so ... with trembling hands ... even on the day she went to the hospital 4 days before her death.

And once again she instructed me, by her life ... even as she was dying.