Ups & Downs

Sometimes I've been feeling some kind of equanimity over the past day or so. This frankly frightens me at times. Will sheer complacency overwhelm my memory and my feelings for my mother? Please God no ... whatever else grief recovery means, let it not mean this, I implore you ...

This morning I was watching TV and on the news, there was a human interest story about a teenage girl who had a goat for a pet. This is exactly the kind of thing that Mom and I would have watched and talked about ... because the goat was so (well!) cute. If I had seen this first, I would have said, "Mom, there's a baby goat on TV ... and he's so cute!" and she would have wanted me to push her wheelchair over right away so she could see him. If she had seen him first, she would have sang out, "Oh Charles, come see, there's a baby goat and he's so cute ... !"

Later I was at the grave, and saw these little bitty purple flowers scattered in some of the lawn. These flowers have a golden center and she would have said something as soon as she saw them. We both would have talked about them, and either she, or I, would have remarked that they must be "shy" flowers, since they are so close to the ground.

I burst into tears at both the scene of the baby goat and of the little purple flowers ... because, who is there to share these treasures with ...?

As soon as I ask the question I know the answer:

I can share them with Mom. Or I can share them with God. Or with the Saints.

But gone ... gone gone, gone, gone is any conversation back and forth between me and Mom.

Oh how I miss you Mom.

I love you. May you rest in peace my beloved, beloved Mother.

In Christ,

Charles Delacroix
F of Ss Cosmas & Damian