Saturday ... Holy Saturday

I've been feeling more and more depressed today.

I keep seeing and thinking of things that remind me of Mom's absence. S

I drive and she's not in the car seat beside me. I think of Boston Avenue Methodist Church ... where she worked back in the 1950s ... and our plans to go together to see what it looks like inside now. But she's gone, she's not here.

I went to see a movie, Invasion, with Nicole Kidman ... and family reminders were everywhere. Which naturally reminds me of Mom's family, our family, now disintegrated and bereaved.

I thought some more about a job ... maybe I should get a part-time "Recovery Job" (low-stress, easy) ... or maybe I should get a part-time job in my professional ... but then I think, what for? She's gone, she's not here.

I went to the Catholic Bookstore and picked up several books on grieving. I was disappointed that there weren't any books that either themselves were, or at least pointed to, very traditional Catholic works addressing Grieving. Not sure what I expected. She's not here anyway. She's gone.

I drove down the "up & down" street behind the Expo Center. And thought about back when we were children & Mom drove rapidly over the hilly road to give us the "up & down" experience that resulted in peals of laughter and giggled from us. I'd like to make some pictures of the street. But why. She's not here. She's gone.

Peace is in the Grave, the grave holds all things beautiful. That is surely true, isn't it, for Our Lord's Grave on Holy Saturday. His Peace, His Beauty lay dead in the Tomb. Around Him all was grey and dark and hopeless and purposeless. As now. For today's Saturday is Holy Saturday too.

Oh I miss you so very, very, very much Mom. I trust and believe you to be in a better place. But Oh how I miss you so so so so so much ....