I've been having a rough time for the past few days. The Autumn colors, the Autumn feel in the air, the approach of Thanksgiving and Christmas Season ... all seem to be crying out to me yet again that se's gone ... she's not sere ... she's gone ... never again ... never again to enjoy the colors with her ... never again to talk about the holidays ... never again ... ne plus jamais ...
Then this morning I was reading about today's celebration of Veterans Day - Armistice Day of old; Remembrance Day in the Commonwealth. I watched The Longest Day http://imdb.com/title/tt0056197/ and The Best Years of Our Lives http://imdb.com/title/tt0036868/ last night, shown by the OETA (PBS) Movie Club to commemorate Veterans Day. Oh Mom ... we would have talked about these movies ... these are you ... and Dad.
Today is also the Feast of St Martin de Tours, most admirable of soldier heroes in my book. But I went back and read the OOR 2nd Reading for OT yesterday. Yesterday was actually the Feast of Pope St Leo the Great, and I used the OOR from the Proper yesterday, but I was drawn by the title of the OT's OOR 2nd Reading for yesterday ... alas I can't find it at the moment, my DO is out in the truck ... but it was St Ambrose talking about Death and Dying ... and celebrating both as God's doorway to Life. And I thought, "So ... even now ... is Denouement. I thought of Denouement in connection with Mom's earthly decline for so long I think I've too often plain forgotten that my whole life is a Holy Saturday pilgrimage that is its own Denouement.
If I just remember O Lord that here I have no lasting place, that Mom has simply preceded me on a journey that is mine as well, if I just remember that I am living even now, here and now, Denouement ... well, things don't seem so very bad after all.
And yet ... Oh Mom how I miss you. How I miss you. O Lord may I see her again. The sooner the better if it be according to your will O lord.
And My Lord please please please please please ... take good care of my dear, dear, dear, dear Momma.
I love you Momma.
I love you Lord.
Love in Christ,
Charles Delacroix
Sunday 32 in Ordinary Time
Feast of St Martin de Tours
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