First Frost

There was frost on the front and back lawns this morning. Beautiful, delicate white in the pre-dawn light. Lovely. Mom would have loved it. Oh Momma ...

The dog and I went to Woodward Park as usual. There are some extraordinary Maples alone the way, turning from green to blazing red without any pause for yellow in between. The dog and I parked in our "usual place" in the Rose Garden parking lot. The sun had just risen and was flashing beautiful yellow light in the east that looked for some reason so very, very kind. Thank you, Father Sun. Thank you God.

The frost is a light frost ... I think a sign I saw driving over there said it's 34 deg, so just above freezing. No frost under the trees, but the broad grassy lawns in the middle of the Rose Gardens were cloaked in the lightest, most sparkling frost. A few bushes held a light, light dusting of white on their upper, horizontally pleached surfaces.

All of this Mom would have loved. And I love these things too. And I thank you God for these Your Gifts. But a part of me still wonders why there should be anything so beautiful if Momma is not here.

Mom, the dog and I took a cold walk this morning, but of course she loved it: with that thick fur, she seemed either indifferent or positively delighted by the cold. We walked under the oak trees in the Park. There are oak leaves and acorns littering the lawn everywhere. I thought that we would see no squirrels, or very few, like yesterday morning, but I was wrong: Spooky jerked the leash and took off after one, then another, then another ... and had a wonderful time chasing squirrels. They all seemed to be up on the sides of the trees, and not on the ground, though. I wonder if the cold dampness of the ground discouraged them from coming down from the trees. But then I wonder why the bark would be less cold. Surely it's less damp, though. In any event, Spooky and I had a good walk, Momma. You would have loved to see her chasing after those squirrels, If you can, even now, O Momma, how I miss sharing this with you.

I am coming this morning to see you at the cemetery, Momma. It's cold, so I may stop at your grave only long enough to put a coo on your marker and talk with you and give you a few drops of nice, hot tea. Then I'll probably have to go back to the truck where it's warm to say the Office for you.

Oh Momma how I miss you. You loved Fall. I can hope you love Fall still. But Oh how I wish you and I could enjoy Fall together once more.

Thy Will Not Mine Be Done, O Lord.
Please help me to do what I do not want to do.
Please help me to pick up this Cross and take it with me on yet another day without Momma.
Please please please take good care of my Momma, Lord.

I love you Momma.
I love you Lord.

Charles Delacroix
Wednesday of the 31st Week in Ordinary Time