Happiness and Unhappiness

A mixed mixed day ...

Oh Momma I miss you ... and am so grateful for you ... and really ... really when I think about it ... don't know why anything should be different than the way they are ... objectively I mean ... since at another level nothing at all is right without you here ...

But now I thought this morning about Happiness, and Unhappiness.

Somewhere CS Lewis said that the maternal side of his familey "lacked the talent for Happiness."

And really there is, isn't there, something of a Talent involved in Happiness. Some people I think really are on balance ... well, Happy.

Me ... looking back ... when I think about it ... when has Happiness ever been among my admittedly meagre talents?

Well ... the answer of course is never. By and large my life before you left, Momma, was Unhappy. Now that you are gone, my life is by and large Unhappy.

So ... hey ... what to complain about in this regard. Nothing of course.

Oh my.

Yet ... yet when I think about what I know of you and your own life ... would it not be right to say that you were, on the whole, Happy?

I remember not long before you died ... a few weeks perhaps ... tearfully saying something to you about wanting you to be Happy. And I remember your look: kind, loving ... but also almost quizzical. This is not a question that you generally asked yourself, is it. And you said, "I don't know that I'm Unhappy ..." and said words then that indicated that, to the extent that such a question had any meaning at all, you were in fact, Happy.

This is one of the differences, I think, between your generation and mine, perhaps.

We, in my own generation, reflect on such things ... perhaps far, far more than we should. But "What makes me Happy? What is Happiness? What makes people Happy?" Those are the kinds of things that almost come naturally to us. And not only to us of course. In the Declaration of Independence we are told that all men are endowed with the Right to Life, Liberty, and Happiness. I indeed treasure this expression even if I wrestle with its meaning. But Happiness: yes, it is desirable for me, as for others.

For your genration perhaps as well Happiness was desirable ... but in an almost undefined, unreflective, and very, very active sense. You acted: you had things to do, places to go, lives to build, families to raise, and a future that cost time, money, and effort to secure. In so many ways I really think yours was the Just Do It generation. You did it: and were Happy, or Unhappy, with the results; but that was secondary always to Doing what you were Doing. You fought a World War and saved the planet; you married and had children and raised families; you worked for your jobs and made money to pay for the present and futures for your families.

And you were, as you say, "not Unhappy." Even Happy.

Et pourquoi pas. "On doit supposer Sisiphe Heureux."

Ah me. I think, Momma, you had, in fact, despite your many, many difficulties, your many many tragedies, your amazing daily challenges ... Momma, you had the Talent for Happiness.

And I thank God for you ... and thank Him for gifting you ... and in you, me.

I love you Momma

I love you Lord Jesus

I love you all Sons and Daughters of Adam and Eve, those Happy, those Unhappy.

I love you and thank you.