5 Months and the Universe is still Wrong

Well ... it's not, I know, but it feels that way.

Today is the 5-month anniversary of Momma's funeral. And everything but everything feels so empty and horribly hopeless and useless.

De futilitate ... still such a big big challenge.

O Lord I know I know I know ... oh really I don't know of course. I don't know shit. I don't know anything except that Momma's gone and nothing seems right ... and I know that YOU are alone the Answer to everything. You alone are the Hope of the Hopeless and I am so full of hopelessness right now that You and You Alone can be my Hope ... not because it even feels that way but because You Alone Are.

You Are my Faith although I am floundering in a morass of Doubt and Faithlessness

You Are my Hope although I am filled with Nothingness, drowning in Hopelessness

You Are my Love although I am devoid of any felt Love at all except Love for my Momma who is gone ... gone ... gone ... and I am utterly alone ...

Yet to be alone in the midst of Your Aloneness is not to be truly alone

To be Loveless in the midst of Your Love is not to be bereft of love

To be Faithless in the midst of Your Faith is not to be utterly without faith

To be Hopeless in the midst of Your Hope is not to be without hope

Here ... here in the darkness of Your Tomb ... here in the Dark Dark Dark Night of the Soul ...

Here ... here in the midnight-drenched interior of Your Burial Chamber ... here in Your Grave ...

Here ... here in the Nothingness that is Your Holy Saturday ... between Good Friday and Easter

Here ... here I lie with you dead and dead and dead ... yet I wait ... as You waited ... as all creation waits ... here I wait and lie dead in Your Dead Heart O Jesus ...

Here in Your Death I am Dead

Here in Your Despair I am Despair

Here in Holy Saturday echoes Your Cry from the Cross ...

O God O God ... Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me ... ?

I hear the echo ...

It is Your Voice O Lord ...

Your Voice from the Cross ...

Your Voice from Job

Your Voice from Ecclesiastes

Your Voice from the deadly Psalms

Your Voice from the Deep Calling to Deep

Your Voice throughout this twilight of Death

Your Voice calling across the aeons and depths and endless ages

Your Voice calling from the Silence of Your Tomb on Holy Saturday

Your Voice saying what I cannot even bring myself to breath

You and You Alone O Lord

You and You Alone

Jesus Solus

Jesus Solus

Jesus Solus

Let us pray

Hail Mary full of Grace the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And Blessed is the Fruit of thy womb
Jesus
Holy Mary
Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our Death
Amen

Oh Jesus Joseph & Mary

Oh Jesus Joseph & Mary

Oh Jesus Joseph & Mary

Please please please please please

Take good care of my good Momma

Oh Holy Saturday envelope me with your sweet odor of the Death of God
That reminds me that after God Died
God Arose
After Holy Saturday
Comes Easter
Oh Jesus whatever happens to me in Your Holy Saturday
Let my dear Momma pass through Your Holy Saturday
To Your Blessed Easter

Oh Momma ... Oh Mary ... Oh Joseph ... Oh Jesus

Jesus Solus

Jesus Solus

Jesus Solus

Jesus Solus

Thank you Jesus for Momma

Jesus Solus