"Moving on" seems to be a recurrent theme in the books and pamphlets and group discussions about Grieving that I run into. And the significance of "moving on" seems to be just what it sounds like: "moving on" beyond and away from Grief and Bereavement.
Hence in group "doing better" or "doing good" means feeling happier and not thinking about the Departed. "Doing worse" or "having trouble" means Grieving for the Departed.
This is really deeply repugnant to me ... it's a way of treating the Beloved to an acid bath of reductionism and of treating the Bereaved to an acid bath of utilitarianism. All to enable the Bereaved to "function better."
Thanks but no thanks. I've got to keep focus I think on grappling with the messy but essential questions raised by what's happened. "Why?" may not be a popular question with utilitarians, but seems to be a universal question raised by Job and by Jesus and by the Psalmists.
And why not? No pun intended.
Mom's death was ... and is ... a cataclysmic event for me. And for her. And for both of us. I don't know what the answers are ... but I feel deeply impelled to ask at least those hard questions that may hurt and hurt and hurt, but which may also give to what happened, and to Mom, and, yes, to me, the honor and esteem and respect that they (we) deserve ... in accordance with the Dignity of the Human Person.
The questions for me really have to be: what the hell happened? And what does this mean for me? What is the Meaning of what happened?
Oh Lord Jesus how I miss her ... and in her, you ... for she is Ikon of an Ikon of You.
Thy will be done.
Charles Delacroix
F of Ignatius
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