Task Completion ... I think I passed

This morning, I received a phone call from a cousin. He's about the same age as me, and we don't talk much; but he needed a ride from Tulsa to Muskogee to go to the VA hospital there. He's helped me out before in the past, and he was very good to me at Mom's funeral; and I was glad to give him a ride.

We talked on the way about bygone days when we both spent time playing together as children and teens. That was about 40 years ago. I was very grateful for the reminiscences though; especially since they naturally involved Mom.

In any event, though, we made about a 5 hour round-trip, including hospital wait time. And I realized at some point that this was really the very first time, since before Mom's death, that I was carrying out an assigned task to completion ... the kind of thing that naturally is a big part of any kind of employment.

I started getting sad while waiting in the ER. I watched CNN on TV and kept thinking, "so?" and "what does it matter?" and things like that. Then I read part of a Newsweek magazine and started thinking, "so what?" every time I saw a picture or headline in the mag, and finally put it down. One of the staff switched the TV to a football game and all the excitement seemed so ... well ... irrelevant. I remembered that every now and then I watched a football game, or NASCAR, or something like that, on TV, when Mom was here. She would tolerate me and doze and we'd chat a little while I watched. I haven't watched a game on TV or NASCAR since her death, though, and I kept thinking, watching this game now, "what's the point? she's not here."

I kept getting sadder and sadder thinking of all these things, and at some point, and just went to the restroom and cried, and got back out and was able to carry out what needed to be done.

That's encouraging really, especially since getting and retaining at least a part time job is an important part of pursuing my goal of buying a full interest in my home.

Thank you Lord. Please help me if it be according to Thy Will to gain my heart's desire: home.