I finally cleaned out Mom's meds today ... the whole bottom shelf of the cabinet we used for her meds. Very painful. I couldn't get to the 2nd & 3rd shelves ... that will have to wait till later. But I was able to empty her meds from her One Week Pill Holder ... which was still the same as her last week of life in August.
After this I began my own meds once again. I have diabetes and I've been taking my insulin ... but haven't bothered with the pills since August. I started back today.
Good ... but it felt once again like I was watching her die ....
And ... what a rough day ...
I was crying and called my aunt ... and had a painful conversation ... she was very nice but it was clear that she was downright tired of her sister's son moping ... and wanted me to "move on." And maybe at one level she's right. But at another ... not happening ...
I went to see a movie ... Eastern Promises ... wonderful movie ... got some relief there but it was short lived .... I became very depressed ... went to see Mom again ... back home ... felt horrible ...
I can't see the path forward. I really can't. I know I don't really need to see the path forward though. I only need to see Christ Bearing His Cross on the Way just in front of me as I wobble my way after Him, Following Him, stumbling after Him.
My my guardian angel ... and hers ... aid us and advocate for us as we seek to Follow Him ...
Charles Delacroix
F of the Guardian Angels
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