Here and Now

I've been struggling but here is how my days are in the Here and Now:

* Wake up about 5a.m. She died Aug 22 at 5:45, I almost always awaken before then.
* Put away a few things and move the truck out of the driveway in prep for getting the dog out
* About 6:15 - 6:45 dog and I get in Mom's old car and drive to Woodward Park ... where Mom and I and the dog used to go ... and the dog and I go for a walk. We always start from the alcove in the Rose Garden where Mom and us used to sit. Sometimes the dog gets a brushing such as Mom loved to give her, and as she always loved to get. Then I tell the dog, "you're the prettiest girl in town," like Mom used to tell her.
* Breakfast in the kitchen either before or after I visit Mom at the cemetery. I almost always take a cup of tea to Mom at the cemetery, just like in the past. When I take the tea to the cemetery, I drink a little and then spill a drink of tea onto her earth 3 times. Then I clean and straighten her flowers in the temporary marker, and pray Matins (the Office of Readings, OOR) from the Proper, and Lauds (Morning Prayer) from the Office for the Dead. I always take plenty of kleenex.
* Day of doing this or that, usually slowly, sometimes visit Mom during the day.
* At the end of the day, I visit Mom at the cemetery. Again, straighten the flowers and clean the temporary marker if needed. I pray Vespers (Evening Prayer) from the Office for the Dead.
* Then I take the dog for her evening walk, as Mom and I and the dog always did. As we used to do with Mom, we drive in Mom's old car to Waite Phillips Elementary or to the water overflow area behind Memorial Drive Methodist Church (Mom's Church).
* That's it for the night. I've more often than not gone to see a movie during the day to help get my mind off things. During the day I often (not always) work on photos in Mom's photo album or in mine. May visit Aunt Edna briefly during the day. But that's about it.

This really makes for a pretty full day for me these days. I tend to get tired very easily and this is all sustainable.

But into this schedule I am thinking I can fit another part time work schedule ... assuming a part time job before eventually getting back to full time work and an income to support a loan to buy the house & effects.

Or such is my hope and prayer.

God's will be done ... in this as in all things ...

Oh Mom how I miss you ... I love you ... now and always ...

Charles Delacroix
Feast of St Ignatius